Nov 15: Plus, no-one can tell when i'm napping
Nov 08: Training to the test?
Nov 01: Scary is one way to describe it.
Oct 25: There's a real art to getting on that list.
Oct 18: Grift isn't always worth the trouble.
Oct 11: Who talks like that?
Oct 04: There's no such thing as an accidental tail.
Sep 27: Yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.
Sep 20: Some penguins never wear white hats after Labor Day!
Sep 13: Penguin Turing Tests are hard!
Sep 06: It doesn't always take tech to fix tech.
Aug 30: Time off.
Aug 23: Po-TAY-to, po-TAH-to.
Aug 16: Oh well, maybe next year.
Aug 09: And early photographers had to deal with the soul-eating camera argument.
Aug 02: Otherwise you'd fall off the edge.
Jul 26: You don't actually need an AI for this.
Jul 19: There is no try, only overdo.
Jul 12: On going out (very very out.)
Jul 05: Any time I want.
Jun 28: It's called "memory curation", thank-you-very-much!
Jun 21: But is it more or less flattering? 
Jun 14: Depends on what you're trying to accomplish. 
Jun 07: Come for the silly optimism, stay for the outrage?
May 31: Do I even have to say the lawn thing? 
May 24: My other qualification is I am very, very drunk.
May 17: Mother nature wants us to get out more... 
May 10: You don't want to be in that category.
May 03: Resistance training.
Apr 26: Sometimes, getting insulted can be an education. 
Apr 19: Civic duty, but under the table. 
Apr 12: In this case, maybe let the perfect be the enemy of the creepy. 
Apr 05: Somebody's humor algorithm needs work.
Mar 29: And put that moon back right now!
Mar 22: Well, one, but it was an eating tournament.
Mar 15: As problems go...
Mar 08: A whole new level of goofy-looking for business attire.
Mar 01: Revenge is a dish best served with a side of sparkle.
Feb 23: How to hate 3d video meetings as much as the 2d ones.
Feb 16: There really is only the one answer.
Feb 09: The beach isn't for everybear.
Feb 02: Less authentic is OK.
Jan 26: And now you know.
Jan 19: Or you could do your hobby after dinner.
Jan 12: Sturgeon's Law as applied to LLMs.
Jan 05: There's no pleasing some penguins.
Dec 29: In the Penguiverse, you only have to tell it once.
Dec 22: It's pigs and those oyster-seed thingies, isn't it?
Dec 15: Does this even count as a superpower?
Dec 08: No, I said maybe _you_ could...
Dec 01: The real reason for the cover-up.
Nov 24: We should try it.
Nov 17: When your life is already weird
it can be hard to tell the difference.
Nov 10: That's one way.
Nov 03: And where would be the fun in that?
Oct 27: Would make a good Halloween costume on a more agreeable cat.
Oct 20: The squabbling is so intense because the stakes are so small.
Oct 13: More weird cat-related shopping.
Oct 06: Also pizza, if you're not too judgy about the toppings.
Sep 29: Self help, or help yourself.
Sep 22: Older, wiser, also bigger stomach.
Sep 15: Penguins sometimes wonder if the barf references ever strike non-birds as weird
Sep 08: Sometimes commerce has to wait.
Sep 01: There are probably other reasons.
Aug 25: As of August 29, it will be 20 years of Pengcognito. Cheers!
Aug 18: Also if you count 'briefly, last year, Halloween'!
Aug 11: Regretting already!
Aug 04: Except for the food contest judging, of course.
Jul 28: Easily swayed.
Jul 21: I'll take on the winner. Or the loser.
Jul 14: Seriously, what's left? Trebuchets?
Jul 07: Improvisation, of a sort.
Jun 30: It's not _no_ work! I have to push the button!
Jun 23: Loosely based on a true story.
Jun 16: But definitely not a tie.
Jun 09: It's the thought, though.
Jun 02: A little duct tape and it will be good as new.
May 26: Plus we want them to stop hogging the outlets in the break room.
May 19: And maybe not use your pet's name.
May 12: Really _really_ good pictures.
May 05: Or, you could just buy Australia and put a sail on it.
Apr 28: Adventures in workforce retention...
Apr 21: And only the everyday tea service.
Apr 14: The art of distillation.
Apr 07: I didn't do any of those things in the first place.
Mar 31: Not until we can catch up.
Mar 24: Both things may be true.
Mar 17: Paint like the Old Masters, die like the Old Masters!
Mar 10: Some customers might prefer "non-traditional"...
Mar 03: One fine afternoon (potentially) in the path of a storm...
Feb 24: Maybe a nice stroll? Somewhere where the sidewalks are plowed?
Feb 17: And if they just don't care, they're too boring to be worth studying.
Feb 10: Where did you think it would be?
Feb 03: Smarter in the penguiverse? Or just more devious?
Jan 27: At least in my universe.
Jan 20: Creatively lazy.
Jan 13: I'm sorry this essay is so long. I didn't have the GPU to generate a shorter one.
Jan 06: If that _was_ required, I'd have made it a herring tequila decanter.
Dec 30: When you really really have to be literal _and_ specific
Dec 23: Accountability? ...in your dreams!
Dec 16: Another great niche business opportunity.
Dec 09: Arguing: A sport you can do sitting down indoors while eating
Dec 02: So... wait... ...it _is_ rational?
Nov 25: The illusions of kittenhood.
Nov 18: Very very niche entertainment.
Nov 11: Being a businessbear: not as easy as it looks.
Nov 04: For instance, there are approximately 525,600 minutes in a year.
Oct 28: You never forget your first assembler language.
Oct 21: Not sure which is worse.
Oct 14: Nice long peaceful road trip.
Oct 07: Bulk discounts available.
Sep 30: In fact, she's got a whole second career in hold music!
Sep 23: Defensive? Me?
Sep 16: Plus it keeps getting lighter, especially around the cargo.
Sep 09: Or, never let philosophy get in the way of bonus food
Sep 02: Bedroom then? No, because 'breakfast in bed...'
Aug 26: One fine day at the beach.
Aug 19: Next back yard trend: cheese plants?
Aug 12: Now _that's_ a bluff!
Aug 05: I prefer to say, 'particular.'
Jul 29: But... my dignity is at stake!
Jul 22: Tell you what, if you catch the bug I'll let you keep it.
Jul 15: Vote. Whenever you get the chance.
Jul 08: Depends on what you want to fix.
Jul 01: Hats above all.
Jun 24: There's an enrichment program for that too.
Jun 17: For Father's Day: Better than a tie!
Jun 10: How not to be grumpy.
Jun 03: It's just a matter of perspective.
May 27: On the internet, nobody knows you're a cat, but it's better when they do
May 20: I could have sworn there was a Police Box in there, too!
May 13: The best part is, they pay you
May 06: Brunch is on the patio; hats don't fit through the door.
Apr 29: And it explains so much.
Apr 22: Coincidentally, also the easiest of the asks if you live in a cartoon.
Apr 15: And only 16-hour shifts!
Apr 08: Eternal dilemma.
Apr 01: Herrings are always trending.
Mar 25: Preferable to the alternative?
Mar 18: It's a dirty job, but some bear has to do it.
Mar 11: 'In a neat pile' really beats the alternatives.
Mar 04: Secret superpower = donuts?
Feb 25: Anywhere! And I do mean that.
Feb 18: Also that's the only thing the cheap old bird left to the family.
Feb 11: Coffee-relativistic time dilation.
Feb 04: I'm with the birds on the snow thing.
Jan 28: Brain the size of a planet
Jan 21: Hmm. Maybe they can glow in the dark too.
Jan 14: Or mint the fridge as an NFT.
Jan 07: Um, maybe
Dec 30: Fool me three times?
Dec 24: Well of course it's every day.
Dec 17: And another whopper: I can stop anytime...
Dec 10: Based loosely on a possibly true story
Dec 03: One fine day in the brain scanning lab...
Nov 26: Revenge gifting?
Nov 19: And some of them are quite odd indeed.
Nov 12: Of course they can see into thought bubbles. They live in a cartoon!
Nov 05: Salespenguinship, that works.
Oct 29: 'Tis the season.
Oct 22: All the tasteful ones are already occupied.
Oct 15: What part of 'high score' do you not understand?
Oct 08: Greek and Latin, either.
Oct 01: Early? Or late?
Sep 24: Shooting duel.
Sep 17: Every Good Bird Deserves Fishes
Sep 10: And , is it a tipped wage?
Sep 03: One reason to show up at zoning meetings.
Aug 27: Yes. Yes that is how it works.
Aug 20: Speak softly and carry scary tech.
Aug 13: I would never.
Aug 06: It probably has got voles in it already.
Jul 30: Maybe longer than a three hour tour?
Jul 23: Anatomically incorrect.
Jul 16: Selective forgetting.
Jul 09: Pull my flipper.
Jul 02: But the popcorn industry!
Jun 25: Deities who mooch.
Jun 18: Half of fishing is organizing.
Jun 11: And you may even make the cover of Penguin Sports Illustrated.
Jun 04: I think I could pull that off.
May 28: There is no such thing as a free... dinner?
May 21: Evergreen content.
May 14: They've just got the one, then?
May 07: Green flipper.
Apr 30: No really. How can you tell?
Apr 23: Volume over variety.
Apr 16: The comedians also ate all the
shrimp.
Apr 09: And if you win a level, that's dinner for a week!
Apr 02: Patience is out of stock everywhere.
Mar 26: Of course it works for penguins! They are creatures of reason.
Mar 19: Phone sizes are the new hemlines.
Mar 12: Fish-shaped box of chocolates, but they're herring-filled!
Mar 05: It's like a tablet but for olds.
Feb 26: As simple as possible but not simpler.
Feb 19: Or maybe after dinner.
Feb 12: And that is why catnip mice are on autoship all winter.
Feb 05: Like a house call, but without the mileage.
Jan 29: Oh no! The call is coming from inside your stomach!
Jan 22: And dance music. Lots of dance music. Boring!
Jan 15: 2020: I was the worst! 2021: Hold my beer.
Jan 08: Be prepared!
Jan 01: And if that didn't work, we'll go back with the mimes.
Dec 25: This year hasn't been easy on dragons, either!
Dec 18: Oh, well, I guess if I _have_ to...
Dec 11: My immune system wants allllllll the belts!
Dec 04: Coders know all the scary bits
Nov 27: When training includes all-you-can-eat.
Nov 20: You only get that one chance to be a pink pumpkin!
Nov 13: Text me too please...
Nov 06: So what do you do with yours?
Oct 30: Deliberately not scary for Halloween 2020.
Oct 23: And then there's the Cat Food Channel...
Oct 16: Top scorers can lose six entire penguins' worth in an afternoon. 
Oct 09: You win if you eat more fish than you brought.
Oct 02: Any excuse...
Sep 25: Sometimes the code itself is the sweary bit.
Sep 18: You haven't asked me to play anything yet.
Sep 11: Your current support contract does not cover defenestration.
Sep 04: Fulfillment - I do not think it
means what I thought it meant.
Aug 28: However, there is no such thing as too vulgar. 
Aug 21: Texting is the new intercom (ask your grandparents...)
Aug 14: That fight wasn't the slightest bit contrived. 
Aug 07: It's an imprinting thing.
Jul 31: Asking for a friend.
Jul 24: Then again, doing just about anything makes me hungry.
Jul 17: Is there any challenge in hunting a bag of kibble? No there is not!
Jul 10: When dinner depends on bandwidth.
Jul 03: It is a play on birds. Sorry.
Jun 26: To-go to impress. 
Jun 19: And they bring home alllll their laundry!
Jun 12: On the internet, nobody knows you're not a bear.
Jun 05: The mind-empty part is easy, though.
May 29: I am now officially a train nerd.
May 22: Making homework recreational.
May 15: You're gonna need a bigger air fryer
May 08: If there isn't a "Maker's Mash-up Emporium" there should be.
May 01: Even when the gig isn’t a dinner party, it is one.
Apr 24: This kind of thing happens at my house all the time.
Apr 17: But humans should wear cows. Or broccoli. Or cake.
Apr 10: With great power comes… oh nevermind.
Apr 03: All jobs should come with those perks. 
Mar 27: It was something I could really use, though.
Mar 20: And they say all renewables have the same flavor!
Mar 13: There is no such thing as a silly question (that can't be exploited for likes.)
Mar 06: You should see Cthulhu's side hustle. Or maybe not.
Feb 28: Five if you count the grill by the pool house.
Feb 21: It's best when Herring-a-Go-Go is parked right by Rhonda's Roadkill.
Feb 14: I often feel that way about some of my gadgets.
Feb 07: Also, a job not likely to be taken by a robot just yet.
Jan 31: It has a terrific raw bar.
Jan 24: FWIW, the chef medalled twice in the Precision Cleaver Throw event.
Jan 17: Irresistibility overlap.
Jan 10: But there isn't a "no stealing" sign!
Jan 03: And still legal!
Dec 27: Ending the decade with an eeeeeek!
Dec 20: Also best app name ever.
Dec 13: Debugging is a lot easier without the fixing part.
Dec 06: On having a skill that is tough to automate.
Nov 29: A penguin is 80 percent stomach. Me too.
Nov 22: Bakers are makers.
Nov 15: Highly unrealistic.
Nov 08: And I thought _my_ hobbies were competitive….
Nov 01: It would have been the Brady Bunch theme, but that doesn't make a good bear hat.
Oct 25: Trick-or-treating with Captain Hook (good pirate, bad golfer), Self-Rescuing Princess, and Herring Exterminator.
Oct 18: Do you think I overpacked?
Oct 11: Preparing for Season of Stuff.
Oct 04: Purely randomly coincidentally.
Sep 27: Don't you hate it when you have a great joke lined up, and then you don't get to use it?
Sep 20: And yet another downside to deep fakes.
Sep 13: Ulterior motives? Never!
Sep 06: Outranked by a butterfly?
Aug 30: And no fair using actual fantasy technology!
Aug 23: Sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science.
Aug 16: And it’s an art project!
Aug 09: 'Opportunity seekers' are just worth more.
Aug 02: An ongoing discussion.
Jul 26: Silly question.
Jul 19: Or get the extra-large size you can swim in
Jul 12: Fashion follows forecasts?
Jul 05: If it looks too easy...
Jun 28: Or living in a cartoon
Jun 21: Someone should do the ‘creepy vs. cute’ research now.
Jun 14: Happy Father's Day! However you celebrate it...
Jun 07: And I was afraid I'd have to crowdfund it.
May 31: Never assume that things are not as weird as you suspect.
May 24: And don’t even get me started on geothermal!
May 17: Before that works, let's find some tournaments with cash prizes.
May 10: Plus there are plenty of less fun economic stimulus programs.
May 03: Although it works as creative writing.
Apr 26: When they acquire a sense of humor, then you can worry.
Apr 19: What happens in board meetings stays in board meetings.
Apr 12: If 'Quantum' is in the name, it's a marketing breakthrough.
Apr 05: The real question - is software engineering just daycare for adults?
Mar 29: That way does make more sense.
Mar 22: Better than catnip?
Mar 15: Jury is still out - to lunch.
Mar 08: Musicians have the best swears.
Mar 01: Put it on the garden. The flowers are looking a little peckish.
Feb 22: Fish are friends! Until they’re food.
Feb 15: Well, I still watch, I just don't bet. 
Feb 08: On the internet, nobody knows you're a cat. But they might guess.
Feb 01: Every website you visit already knows you want one. 
Jan 25: A new winter extreme sport…?
Jan 18: A rather loose definition of ‘safe.’
Jan 11: Vacation priorities.
Jan 04: Gosh, what an interesting-looking game!
Dec 28: Well? Is it easy to be green, or not?
Dec 21: I celebrate Secular Herring Feast Day.
Dec 14: And you know what the doctor said about that.
Dec 07: I can quit anytime I want. I just don’t want.
Nov 30: And a better conversationalist too.
Nov 23: The ease of the job depends on the depth of the toolbox.
Nov 16: Too bad there are those pesky hatchling labor laws.
Nov 09: Because the sushi chef cancelled at the last minute.
Nov 02: There's an even easier way.
Oct 26: Get off my lawn.
Oct 19: Two cute.
Oct 12: Or it could just be projection.
Oct 05: There’s probably a good market for mostly-obsolete hardware here. 
Sep 28: It's handy to have one just lying around in the lab.
Sep 21: There's more than one way to scam a herring.
Sep 14: This method also takes care of lunch.
Sep 07: Not a low-calorie job, though.
Aug 31: Completely and utterly impossible.
Aug 24: Don't push it.
Aug 17: The 'tipsy bridesmaid' shot is mandatory.
Aug 10: And talking to tech support is also a challenge.
Aug 03: You can make them out of anything really.
Jul 27: Natural selection for music: when the new lyrics are ear-wormier than the original.
Jul 20: If you don't get it, you're not old enough yet.
Jul 13: The app gets the royalties, though.
Jul 06: Birth of a labor movement.
Jun 29: That’s not an amuse-bec, it’s the entrée.
Jun 22: It's not even a big red button.
Jun 15: The industrial strength version.
Jun 08: But the Old Farts' Coffee Club would like to speak with you.
Jun 01: Practice makes better (and sometimes a free lunch.)
May 25: All apps will be reduced to one button, that does everything, randomly.
May 18: How to succeed by failing.
May 11: And there’s some assembly required.
May 04: If you can't print edibles, what's the point?
Apr 27: It's like a big red button labeled DON'T PUSH.
Apr 20: Getting parts is tough, though.
Apr 13: Or you could use it as a random number generator.
Apr 06: They don't know how to use the command line, either.
Mar 30: Make sure you post a picture of it first, though.
Mar 23: Go ahead, try this at home. As long as you don't live near me.
Mar 16: It’s a fine line between fashion and crazy. Too bad it’s not a fence. 
Mar 09: I only made one little change.
Mar 02: Having a time machine means you can really indulge your hobbies.
Feb 23: Your moment of (caffeinated) zen. 
Feb 16: "Cui bono" , or, "follow the herrings."
Feb 09: Electronics goes 'fizzownt!'
Feb 02: Because those idiots never say please.
Jan 26: Traffic problems are more interesting in the penguiverse. 
Jan 19: When universes collide.
Jan 12: Not that it would work here.
Jan 05: So, dark matter, then.
Dec 29: And it won’t be in that indestructible plastic bubble packaging.
Dec 22: Also, a way to finance your habit.
Dec 15: Dinner poker: I’ll see your five dozen herrings and raise a mackerel fondue.
Dec 08: It’s a credibility thing.
Dec 01: Practice makes better.
Nov 24: Entirely a media plot. 
Nov 17: Payment in fish.
Nov 10: Kitten pictures can fix (almost) anything.
Nov 03: For everyone who’s already behind in NaNoWriMo.
Oct 27: The Delivery-al Divide.
Oct 20: Because hatchlings gotta rebel.
Oct 13: And it’s medicinal!
Oct 06: Cute cures all.
Sep 29: They also hate my robot T-Rex.
Sep 22: Or, he might have just fed the kids.
Sep 15: Or facts.
Sep 08: May or may not contain earworm, depending on your age.
Sep 01: Which could also explain those times it rains herrings.
Aug 25: Stop quibbling. Start nibbling.
Aug 18: I thought it was TV that puts the pounds on. 
Aug 11: Food can be art and vice-versa.
Aug 04: Wishful thinking.
Jul 28: Just old-fashioned. 
Jul 21: Which also explains the hat.
Jul 14: And the litterbox is why we have hatchlings. 
Jul 07: Laziest password strategy ever.
Jun 30: Except flame wars have an event horizon.
Jun 23: Exercise: it’s not for getting fit, it’s for working up an appetite.
Jun 16: Behavioral encouragement for Father’s Day.
Jun 09: It is, but not the way they mean.
Jun 02: I think mine was architected by Escher.
May 26: Robot psychologists are public safety, really.
May 19: You'll never guess what happened next!
May 12: Mother’s Day traditions.
May 05: And the eel nigiri was under-toasted!
Apr 28: Plus I was texting.
Apr 21: The actual superpower.
Apr 14: It does get sloshy.
Apr 07: How to be a cheap date.
Mar 31: Probably pressure from alumni.
Mar 24: May be an advantage to doing this every day.
Mar 17: Because it's a form of meditation, of course.
Mar 10: Cosmology: more fun than cosmetology.
Mar 03: Heck of a commute.
Feb 24: Always insist on truth in food.
Feb 17: I hope you’re not double-parked!
Feb 10: An athlete’s life is so strenuous! 
Feb 03: Especially if you like spicy food.
Jan 27: Does it count if your parents ate a ton of Chinese food while hatching you?
Jan 20: Have you tried turning it off and on again? 
Jan 13: And if a penguin devolves it would be to a dinosaur. 
Jan 06: Tailfeathers-texting: the latest in password generators? 
Dec 30: Art museums make me hungry.
Dec 23: Some tech to save you from... tech.
Dec 16: Tying the knot (in the timeline.)
Dec 09: Or when a cat interferes with your rants.
Dec 02: And yet you keep coming back.
Nov 25: Herring supercollider?
Nov 18: Well it’s a bird metaphor at least. Lesser bird. 
Nov 11: Fashion vs physics
Nov 04: More proof that penguins have more fun
Oct 28: IoT = Internet of Terror. . .? 
Oct 21: But is she in?
Oct 14: A destination wedding? Maybe Mars?
Oct 07: 2x the trouble, 2x the cute!
Sep 30: A tasty dilemma.
Sep 23: Even worse, with electronics…
Sep 16: But this way is even more work! 
Sep 09: Pavlov's purr?
Sep 02: And if space/time is also a game… 
Aug 26: Points for quick thinking, though!
Aug 19: Why gulls are rarely quoted in the media. 
Aug 12: Not augmented enough.
Aug 05: Back when hackers didn’t _need_ hats.
Jul 29: Or, worse, you could be playing some game!
Jul 22: More evidence older is not necessarily wiser. 
Jul 15: Location is important too.
Jul 08: No, it’s still Untechnical Support.
Jul 01: I always share that video too!
Jun 24: Being helped to distraction. 
Jun 17: Or for Father's Day you could spend some quality time offline. 
Jun 10: Rule #437: And if it doesn’t exist, there is a FlipStarter of it.
Jun 03: A good waddle spoiled.
May 27: It's never too late to have a happy juvenility. 
May 20: TV is a little odder in the penguiverse. 
May 13: The sacred knowledge is passed down.
May 06: Happy Mother's Day! (contains kittens)
Apr 29: Creeping de-featurism.
Apr 22: And don’t get me started on what the squirrels are saying. 
Apr 15: I think they already have my amazon.com password.
Apr 08: One up-penguin-ship.
Apr 01: That's really the only downside.
Mar 25: There are some in tech "support" who pass every time. 
Mar 18: One-string minds, cats.
Mar 11: Cute! But crazy. But cute!
Mar 04: It works both ways
Feb 26: It's not Grand Theft Herring Trawler...
Feb 19: Besides, that was 5,000 - 8,000 years ago.
Feb 12: You'd think cats wouldn't have a problem ignoring photographers.
Feb 05: Stuffism is also a way of life.
Jan 29: We could render reality quicker, but it wouldn’t be as realistic.
Jan 22: Cross-marketing penguin style.
Jan 15: Some are just naturals.
Jan 08: The infamous snow fort standoff. 
Jan 01: I’ll have to take your word if you say you solved it. 
Dec 25: Critics everywhere.
Dec 18: All true.
Dec 11: A hot party indeed.
Dec 04: Ethical? Maybe. Judgy? Never!
Nov 27: Rule 34, appendix a: Plus a coloring book. 
Nov 20: The perils of being a niche celebrity. 
Nov 13: Exploiting grammatical fuzziness.
Nov 06: And do not tell me the story about the farmer and the horse.
Oct 30: Costumes bring out your inner penguin.
Oct 23: Trend: making stuff that makes stuff.
Oct 16: It works until they do an episode featuring your job.
Oct 09: Logical. If potentially exhausting.
Oct 02: OK, now I'm hungry...
Sep 25: Being prepared (for a free dinner…) 
Sep 18: Very very unfair. Sort of.
Sep 11: You taste to-may-to, I taste to-mah-to...
Sep 04: I was going to eat there, but they don’t have any food left.
Aug 28: And free drinks, sort of. If you feel like making them.
Aug 21: Who says getting an art degree won’t pay?
Aug 14: But do the ones weigh more than the zeroes?
Aug 07: As a species, we may be a bad influence.
Jul 31: “You are affable, gullible and full of brachiopods.”
Jul 24: And herrings don’t end on a cliff-hanger.
Jul 17: The actual actual present?
Jul 10: Lucky guess.
Jul 03: Close enough.
Jun 26: Compelling copy. 
Jun 19: What, gifts can’t have an agenda?
Jun 12: There are plenty of stranger hobbies. Wait, I’m thinking…
Jun 05: Plus, herrings were diverted from the contests.
May 29: And there’s a mini black hole in the junk drawer, but it might have always been there… 
May 22: So you’ve _literally_ laughed some tail feathers off?
May 15: When you realize you've grown up to be the auntie everyone warned you about...
May 08: Even better, you can buy her another one next year. 
May 01: What to read if you like some tequila in your chamomile tea. 
Apr 24: Really REALLY realistic.
Apr 17: What happens in Vegas penguins will totally blab about.
Apr 10: And they're really competitive.
Apr 03: Yes. They are.
Mar 27: Because it was longer. Way longer.
Mar 20: A new direction for AI?
Mar 13: A must-have item this winter.
Mar 06: Taking the matter into your own flippers...
Feb 27: My philosophy from now on.
Feb 20: Totally legitimate.
Feb 13: It's not getting to me in the slightest.
Feb 06: Nothing fishy here!
Jan 30: Plus the equipment is cheap. If it's available.
Jan 23: The worst is 'Penguin Runway: Mega Hats'
Jan 16: Hey, if the math works...
Jan 09: There's always a catch.
Jan 02: Turnabout is fair.
Dec 26: Happy holidays (and holiday feasts!)
Dec 19: When a treat is in order...
Dec 12: And follow up with a very innocent look.
Dec 05: There's motivation, and then there's motivation...
Nov 28: There definitely is a line.
Nov 21: The Other White Powder.
Nov 14: And you thought travel couldn't get more confusing...
Nov 07: Deep dark secret.
Oct 31: Alas, politician season doesn't mean you can shoot them.
Oct 24: Frame it this way, and kids will want to learn to read, too.
Oct 17: You can take the truth too far...
Oct 10: Well, yes we can. But do we want to?
Oct 03: I wouldn't open it. In case you were wondering.
Sep 26: New criteria for deciding what's safe...
Sep 19: So anything you don't like is proof that time travel doesn't exist?
Sep 12: Or not...
Sep 05: Reality is overrated.
Aug 29: Or zombie hedge fund managers, even!
Aug 22: Velociraptors would be even better, but they seem to prefer Krav Maga.
Aug 15: Some of this is true.
Aug 08: In the penguiverse "catering" can be a pretty loose term.
Aug 01: Penguins' GMOs are labeled. But that doesn't necessarily help.
Jul 25: Call it mutual leverage...
Jul 18: I think I'll print some beer...
Jul 11: There's a cat for that!
Jul 04: A harmonious (and legal) solution.
Jun 27: But all those annoying Chess requests will be hidden.
Jun 20: The store is also safe from Star Trek:Classic mad computers...
Jun 13: An upside to laying the occasional egg...
Jun 06: The hazards of winning...
May 30: They really are evil. All the herring-filled donuts were taken!
May 23: The real category where most of my gadgets belong...
May 16: It's actually by a group of artists who don't agree on anything.
May 09: Technically, Mom wins...
May 02: Great marketing idea.
Apr 25: I'd buy a ticket!
Apr 18: And I thought English was colorful...
Apr 11: Plausible adorability.
Apr 04: Recursive eating disorder...
Mar 28: This is the way I'm going to order it.
Mar 21: Hatchling labor laws?
Mar 14: But then we'd all have one and that could get confusing.
Mar 07: Or it could be me.
Feb 28: Skips right over computer support penguin
Feb 21: Not to be considered an excuse to drink yourself silly.
Feb 14: Your cat may be doing science.
Feb 07: You still might have to be rolled home.
Jan 31: We know what it's really about.
Jan 24: I have that superpower too, but with lobsters and beer.
Jan 17: Dogs have owners, cats have staff, hatchlings have minions.
Jan 10: Oh, the penguinity...
Jan 03: Nighthawks - Nightpenguins: It's a play on birds... 
Dec 27: 'Twas a couple of nights after...
Dec 20: Go easy on that open bar this year...
Dec 13: I wish.
Dec 06: Holiday parties.
Nov 29: Packing light (for penguins.)
Nov 22: Really really ready for snow... 
Nov 15: Penguin bureaucracy is almost as weird as ours. 
Nov 08: Gadget withdrawal. 
Nov 01: It's a fine line between appreciation and stalking.
Oct 25: There's dangerous, and there's... dangerous. 
Oct 18: Dear enemies: Please, underestimate me. Muahahahahaha.... 
Oct 11: Moving Congress to a hockey rink might improve their vibe. 
Oct 04: When not to bet.
Sep 27: So that's what it means...
Sep 20: The Craft Police can be really tough. 
Sep 13: And don't even get me started on drunk entomologists...! 
Sep 06: Anger management.
Aug 30: Ten years of Pengcognito! (We go out to eat to celebrate)
Aug 23: Some GMO projects are worth doing...
Aug 16: Dear NSA agents: I hope the cartoon makes up for my boring email...
Aug 09: Hope your skies are clear Sunday night! 
Aug 02: (The extreme variety.)
Jul 26: Bribable deity. What a concept.
Jul 19: Smaller on the outside?
Jul 12: I prefer the original BatPenguin. Spandex and all.
Jul 05: When hunting, you have to think the way your prey thinks.
Jun 28: To be fair, I did, too.
Jun 21: Timing is everything.
Jun 14: Happy Father's Day!
Jun 08: Oh my.
May 31: OK. Me too.
May 24: Lined up for an insectivore's dream job.
May 17: With a stop for breakfast, of course.
May 10: A little hatchling rivalry for Mother's Day.
May 03: And if they _really_ think of you as a friend, they'll bum money off you, too.
Apr 26: Parental ambition.
Apr 19: And classes are free!
Apr 12: This might solve the Post Office's Saturday delivery problem, too.
Apr 05: At least, not for free.
Mar 29: As close as it gets to Kafkaesque in the penguiverse.
Mar 22: There is no spoon... anymore. 
Mar 15: And donuts are bad twice.
Mar 08: Could be worse.Could have been yoga.
Mar 01: Time travel can really take the fun out of procrastinating.
Feb 22: Bombax vobis, autocorrect!
Feb 15: Ripped - er, wrung from the headlines...
Feb 08: They're penguins; they're used to it. 
Feb 01: Cats can be very literal.
Jan 25: It was repetitive stress from eating chocolates too fast.
Jan 18: Or when they get their pilot's license (flightless, my tailfeathers!)
Jan 11: Some sportspenguins will do ANYTHING for a little publicity.
Jan 04: And you have to find contractors who won't eat your walls.
Dec 28: It could take a lot of will power... or not.
Dec 21: Yikes! It's the end of the, um, calendar.
Dec 14: OK, there probably is a game for that.
Dec 07: For me, it's cables.
Nov 30: Well, I'd go with a personal mini-helicopter...
Nov 23: Keeping appearances UP.
Nov 16: Back in the day, you just had to remember to send an e-card...
Nov 09: I considered just sleeping in till spring... 
Nov 02: Happy Halloween!
Oct 26: Of course, you can pass out either way.
Oct 19: Fine dining.
Oct 12: Penguin entrepreneur.
Oct 05: Yeah, there is such a thing. Mostly.
Sep 28: For the exercise. Really.
Sep 21: In memory of my Dad (who would totally have stowed away.)
Sep 14: Humans keep forgetting that penguins are actually wild animals :-)
Sep 07: But it kind of was this way back in the day.
Aug 31: Me? Beer snob? ... Excuse me while I sip my creme brulee stout.
Aug 24: Not _specifically_ for Fairy Penguins, but they _could_ be...
Aug 17: How to make it work when you absolutely, positively have to share the space.
Aug 10: Ever get the feeling you're being watched?
Aug 03: But I grew up with the idea that 'viral' is generally a _bad_ thing...
Jul 27: Good influence, bad influence, to-may-to, to-mah-to... 
Jul 20: The dangers of a short attention span... 
Jul 13: Oh, who says imprinting doesn't work that way? (...ornithologists, probably.)
Jul 06: Boring, boring, boring... 
Jun 29: So where would _you_ take a time machine?
Jun 22: But only one and a half baths...
Jun 15: For Father's Day, what's better than a tie?
Jun 08: Not quite so dangerous in the penguiverse.
Jun 01: Yes, at least one of these birds is probably lost.
May 25: It doesn't work on me, either.
May 18: The next great invention.
May 11: Don't worry, Alfred Hitchcock was nowhere near this. 
May 04: You have to stay competitive.
Apr 27: Sometimes, you have to go with sophisticated humor. Not today, though.
Apr 20: To their credit, the penguins hardly ever rub it in. 
Apr 13: In honor of Yuri's Night, we get a little spacey.
Apr 06: Nostalgia is a dish best served _all the time!_
Mar 30: Not what we meant, but not a bad idea.
Mar 23: Birds With Friends
Mar 16: It's just an observation.
Mar 09: Bandwidth matters, too.
Mar 02: Size matters.
Feb 24: It's easy once you know the secret. 
Feb 17: Just wondering. Because there's a lot of that going around. 
Feb 10: Everything a penguin needs.
Feb 03: Steam powered roller skates (part II)
Jan 27: Unfair advantage?
Jan 20: Best toy ever.
Jan 13: It's those tiny little details...
Jan 06: The penguins are studying the lower animals (that's us.) 
Dec 30: Whenever you're reading this? Happy Herring Feast Day!
Dec 23: I can think of a lot of uses for this. 
Dec 16: Big Penguin is watching you.
Dec 09: Well, smart-_something_, anyway. 
Dec 02: Gives a whole new meaning to the term "doctor shopping." 
Nov 25: It's only a game, right? 
Nov 18: I can't decide if I just broke the 4th wall, or only the 2nd...
Nov 11: Some athletes, you just don't get mad.
Nov 04: Don't you hate it when you end up with two of everything?
Oct 28: But you have to turn it off before you sink the boat.
Oct 21: It's a fine line. OK. Maybe not that fine. 
Oct 14: The easy way.
Oct 07: Fad diet.
Sep 30: How to get kids interested in science.
Sep 23: Always choose an exercise program that will keep you motivated.
Sep 16: Huh. I guess you can take it with you. 
Sep 09: Q: Would you like Option A or Option B? A:Yes.
Sep 02: The Monty Hall problem, explained by penguins.
Aug 26: Some do it for the glory, some for the challenge, some for the... herrings?
Aug 19: Well, if you'd explained that to me in the first place... 
Aug 12: Not even with hazard pay?
Aug 05: One fine day on the canal. 
Jul 29: How to live forever. Sort of.
Jul 22: And then the nurse said "It could of been worse!"
Jul 15: Live by the scandal, die by the scandal... or not.
Jul 08: This has NEVER happened to me.
Jul 01: The only situation where you'd look forward to homework.
Jun 24: Now, if there was only a way to catch your own donuts...
Jun 17: Gadgets are always good. Especially gadgets that control other gadgets.
Jun 10: My imaginary friends are all penguins, though.
Jun 03: Of course, it depends on your definition of higher education. 
May 27: Could be worse; could be that indoor ski resort in Dubai.
May 20: And us humans totally appropriate Herring Feast Day from the penguins. Or is that just me?
May 13: It also works when you're applying to a company that makes games. 
May 06: For Mother's Day, go a little overboard.
Apr 29: If I were a bird, I might try this too.
Apr 22: Yes, but will it get you into a quality pre-school?
Apr 15: OK, I misheard it too.
Apr 08: The economy gets a little weirder. 
Apr 01: Technically, it's spring, so this happens to me a lot.
Mar 25: I've always suspected this.
Mar 18: Well, I fell for it.
Mar 11: Art. I know it when I see it.
Mar 04: Yeah, that's a reasonable use for a time machine. 
Feb 25: Well, it _is_ good exercise. I hear.
Feb 18: Or would that be an answer it can't question...? 
Feb 11: Anything to bring in more fans.
Feb 04: Houdini (junior.)
Jan 28: Chocoholic's dream vacation.
Jan 21: The inverse relationship at gaming parties between drinking and vocal talent - it works both ways...
Jan 14: Altruism only goes so far. 
Jan 07: Don't look at me - I majored in 'snacks.'
Dec 31: It's probably a good thing you can only really see it when you're moulting...
Dec 25: And it's really easy to stick to! 
Dec 17: On staying in character.
Dec 10: When gaming gets dangerous...
Dec 03: Or you could just stay home... 
Nov 26: For penguins who think the skies are getting a little TOO friendly...
Nov 19: Based on a true pub crawl (but with more herrings.)
Nov 12: No distractions.
Nov 05: Some traditions are more important than others.
Oct 29: Want to see, I mean hear, something really scary?
Oct 22: Just when you think you have the upper flipper... 
Oct 15: Now that you mention it, that would be a drawback... 
Oct 08: Making sports history?
Oct 01: Only the most important stuff. 
Sep 24: Customers get so fussy sometimes.
Sep 17: Truth? From tech support? ...wait a minute... 
Sep 10: Sci-fi, old school.
Sep 03: ...but I'm pretty sure _I'm_ dreaming... 
Aug 27: Short attention span.
Aug 20: Always a good idea to check first.
Aug 13: There's more than one way to light a fire. 
Aug 06: There's disreputable... and then there's jazz musicians. 
Jul 30: When penguins dream.
Jul 23: It's OK,though, they got a table on the patio.
Jul 16: It's summer! Time to get your brain melted! 
Jul 10: That's fine for me, but what are the rest of you guys going to eat?
Jul 02: The good old days (of bad old special effects.)
Jun 25: Just a friendly little game among friends.
Jun 18: One way to make a tie not suck. (Happy Father's Day!)
Jun 11: I admit it - I'm addicted to weather radar. 
Jun 04: There's not much worth .getting up _that_ early for... 
May 28: No, seriously.
May 21: Well, now it all makes sense!
May 14: More scientific insights from the University of "Well, duh!"
May 07: Sometimes sibling rivalry is a _good_ thing. (Happy Mother's Day!) 
Apr 30: How to prioritize.
Apr 23: Or they could just call it - oh, I don't know - attitude? 
Apr 16: So that's what that means!
Apr 09: The guidelines are REALLY strict!
Apr 02: There are worse places to get stuck in, though.
Mar 26: Because when you have a cool new toy, there's something almost criminal about not using it. 
Mar 19: Gives a new meaning to the term "birthday suit."
Mar 12: When cute works - and when it doesn't.
Mar 05: This week's penguin: The Dal-guin: Deadly? You betcha. Focused? Not so much.
Feb 26: Nest hunting in the 21st century.
Feb 19: You still have to be careful what you wish for, though.
Feb 12: As strange as science is, the internet is even stranger.
Feb 05: An odd hobby?
Jan 29: More brain-melting cuteness
Jan 22: Stickler for tradition - to a point...
Jan 16: Revenge is best served ...with a piano?
Jan 08: There is no such thing as too much coffee.
Jan 01: It's a new year, and time for a new religion. (Don't worry, it's not a mean one.)
Dec 25: A refined and genteel episode.
Dec 18: Cats are scary.
Dec 11: Fantasy? Reality? ...To-may-to, to-mah-to...
Dec 04: Quilting - it's not for the faint-hearted. 
Nov 27: What is a really good deal, anyway?
Nov 20: It's a marketing breakthrough!
Nov 13: What the cute costumes are really about.
Nov 06: Slowing down? ...not exactly...
Oct 30: Zombies? Ninjas? Killer flying dinosaur robots? What's scariest? ...wait. Philosophers?
Oct 23: User modifications.
Oct 16: It's penguins all the way up.
Oct 09: I'm not ranting, I'm cartooning.
Oct 02: There's fishing, and then there's fishing
Sep 25: Sometimes you can tell from the hat, though.
Sep 18: A really great place to play. Sort of.
Sep 11: Nothing ever happens around here.
Sep 04: You get what you pay for...
Aug 28: How to control your elite penguin athletes.
Aug 21: I've always wondered what happens when you do this...
Aug 14: Infinite is infinite...to a point.
Aug 07: Penguins always seem to have better problems than we do.
Jul 31: WAY too much information, and no way to un-see it, either.
Jul 24: Does having hatchlings melt your brain? Or make you smarter?
Jul 17: Now this is the way to do it.
Jul 10: How those rumors start.
Jul 03: Penguins on wheels!
Jun 26: Vast wasteland: the next generation.
Jun 19: On the classic penguin Father's Day gift.
Jun 12: Technological solution to an age-old problem.
Jun 05: Is it my imagination, or is the cutoff for "old fart" getting earlier?
May 29: More things for kids to not talk about in front of adults.
May 22: One way to handle the financial crisis.
May 15: It's that time of year again, when penguins (and humans) perform heroic feats of cycling for a good cause.
May 08: Happy Mother's Day! Get your Mom what she likes, never mind if your friends think it's silly...
May 01: Yikes! Twitter overload!
Apr 24: A whole new place where hatchlings can learn "those words"
Apr 17: The hazards of too much cute.
Apr 10: It's tough being famous.
Apr 03: It's a little recursive, but it works.
Mar 27: I now declare Friday to be Silly Physics Day in the Penguiverse. 
Mar 20: But, see, the flashlight apps were all *different*...
Mar 13: Be careful what you ask for!
Mar 06: Because a soggy day gaming is still better than a comfortable day at work.
Feb 27: A good option in a down economy.
Feb 20: The problem with hanging out with penguins you meet on the internet.
Feb 13: The perfect day.
Feb 06: I occasionally get slapped silly by it, myself.
Jan 30: Finding good names for new penguin musical instruments
Jan 23: What that saying really means.
Jan 16: Just hatched!
Jan 09: How to pick out a present for a penguin
Jan 02: Too much cute (penguin style)
Dec 27: Getting old?
Dec 19: First the writers strike, then the actors, and now...
Dec 12: How to create your own reality.
Dec 05: Then again, you can always give free advice that's wrong...
Nov 28: Ah, nice, relaxing rural life...
Nov 21: If only some of the big human car companies had this kind of can-do attiitude...
Nov 14: I guess it depends on what you mean by "refined."
Nov 07: Educational games can be very motivational.
Oct 31: Scary movies. No, REALLY scary movies! (Happy Halloween!)
Oct 24: I can quit anytime I want. No, really.
Oct 17: The age-old question, answered at last.
Oct 10: Finally! Truth in advertising. 
Oct 03: Bank crisis? Wow. There's a surprise.
Sep 26: The Herringbone Stompers are looking for new members
Sep 19: Not the end of the world
Sep 12: It really is Subliminal (give me herrings) Communications Month.
Sep 03: Darwin is unclear on the concept (or maybe not....)
Aug 29: My motto is: "Don't take life so serious, son; it ain't nohow permananent" - Walt Kelly's 'Pogo'
Aug 22: The author is not the slightest bit biased.
Aug 15: Another penguin-worthy reason to exercise.
Aug 08: Policing the penguiverse: it's a little weird, but it works.
Aug 01: Penguins get way more vacation than we do. It's not fair, but there it is.
Jul 25: What to do about confusingly written technical manuals
Jul 18: What to get for the penguin who has everything.
Jul 11: Penguin of the week - now with time travel!
Jul 04: Strategy for when your company's new owners have no clue what you do...
Jun 27: Musical instrument? Weapon? ...to-MAY-to, to-MAH-to...
Jun 20: Mmmmmm.... Dim-sum...
Jun 13: Happy Father's Day. Go get your Dad some fine herrings.
Jun 06: Makes you think, though. Or not.
May 30: Laziness - the true motivation behind the world's great sales pitches.
May 23: The latest innovations in security.
May 16: Serious penguin scholarship.
May 09: Happy Mother's Day! Get your mom some nice herrings.
May 02: Tour de Herring! And why you want to be riding in front...
Apr 25: "What's this button do?"
Apr 18: A good job for failed 'Penguin Idol' contestants.
Apr 11: Penguins on flying.
Apr 04: Did you know that many on-line dictionaries don't contain the word "gullible"?
Mar 28: Darn. You mean I can't blame this weird weather on the weatherpenguin?
Mar 21: A new job for all the best reasons. (*burp*).
Mar 14: Never try to get a penguin to follow exact directions.
Mar 08: Where no penguin has gone before...
Mar 01: Too much time spent in front of the "Nest & Garden" channel.
Feb 23: There's a new rule for finding where the good food is.
Feb 16: A versatile enough musician can get work just about anywhere.
Feb 09: By the time you finally get there, you forget what you were going to complain about in the first place.
Feb 01: A really long wait for a great song.
Jan 26: Silly stereotypes...
Jan 18: Yes, it IS possible to sing THAT badly...
Jan 12: The search for alternatives.
Jan 05: Penguins on strike?
Dec 29: It's never too late to start a new tradition, anyway.
Dec 22: When nerds go shopping
Dec 15: There's a difference between "horror" and "horrible."
Dec 08: Extreme chocolate.
Nov 30: You just can't tell a scary story to some penguins...
Nov 23: Yes, they really ARE that good!
Nov 17: Uh-oh, they ARE real...
Nov 10: Which is weirder, the real news or the fake news?
Nov 03: For the penguin who has everything...
Oct 27: They say voice acting is really easy... for the actor. (For the director? Not so much...)
Oct 19: Of course, this never happens in real life...
Oct 12: Shiny.
Oct 05: Getting rich with jazz. Don't laugh. No wait. Do laugh.
Sep 28: Serious penguin science.
Sep 21: Why penguins SCUBA...
Sep 14: Do _you_ know _your_ neighbors?
Sep 07: There are jobs, and then there are jobs....
Aug 31: The real secret of some elite penguin athletes.
Aug 24: There really was a bear in our neighborhood. He left, though. Maybe because the Krispy Kreme was out of salmon glazed...
Aug 17: Cool! Penguin with superpowers....? Maybe.
Aug 10: It's not a collection till it has its own event horizon.
Aug 03: A game that's a little too realistic...
Jul 27: Are we there yet?
Jul 20: Jazz! The Herringbone Stompers get ready to tour... 
Jul 13: LOLPENGUINS? It had to happen...
Jul 06: For a penguin, it's a tough decision!
Jun 29: It's good to have everything. Even better to know someone who does.
Jun 22: Grandpenguins' revenge!
Jun 15: Not your usual Father's Day present!
Jun 08: Some things just aren't meant to be...
Jun 01: One drawback to this great new video game...
May 25: Penguins and their pets.
May 18: Downloading interesting stuff.
May 12: Happy Mother's Day! (penguin style...)
May 04: One more reason not to watch too much TV.
Apr 27: One good reason not to work weekends.
Apr 20: Don't you wish they really made these?
Apr 13: How that new game console got its name.
Apr 06: Why penguins don't have wars.
Mar 30: Bad penguin boss.
Mar 23: More great penguin TV.
Mar 16: Con penguins?
Mar 09: When you move, it's great to have help. Mostly.
Mar 02: A cautionary tale.
Feb 23: Extreme, but maybe not for the reason you think.
Feb 16: Still missing some prezzies? Here's why...
Feb 09: On finding the perfect job.
Feb 02: Happy Groundhog Day!
Jan 19: How to make the classic penguin cocktail.
Jan 05: Current trends in TV shows.
Dec 29: Every day can be a holiday!